An Event That Made Me Stop & Think - 6th November 2015

I started this blog because of my love for fashion and baking and hoped to keep it updated regularly but then the event that happened on the 6th November turned my life upside down. In November 2013 I got told my brother, Rory, was diagnosed with anorexia. At that age I didn't really understand how bad it could be and thought everything was going to get better very quickly but I was wrong. Things didn't go smoothly or quickly, in fact it was the start of the most difficult time I could've imagined. We were unware that he was struggling for the past year and that he was restricting his food intake drastically at university. Rory was admitted to hospital in January 2014. Things didn't exactly get any better and he was later put in to Priory hospital in an eating disorders unit where he was given the special treatment that was needed. From then on it was a bit of a rollercoaster, with the ups and downs of him getting better and then going back to square 1. He was also suffering from a secondary mental illness called schizo-affected disorder. Nurses had to stay outside his room at all times to stop him from doing anything bad and even had to stay in the room with him beside his bed when things got too dangerous and risky. It was extremely difficult seeing him not himself - he was more quiet and rarely laughed or smiled unlike what he was like before. I remember when he looked after me sometimes and we played games and laughed so hard that at one point we both fell off the sofas! We also used to write little funny notes to each other and he would teach my and the rest of my family about the stars as we looked through his telescope in the garden at the twinkling sky (as he studied astrophysics and was extremely bright)! I felt I needed to stay strong for my family so I didn't like to cy in front of everyone too much and I only did it in my room or if no one was around. Hoping to get him better he was given 20 sessions of ECT - which meant him being anaesthetised and then an electric current being passed through his brain. This made him very forgetful and he ordered father's day presents multiple times because he couldn't remember whether or not he'd done it. The ECT also made him forget that he passed his degree and wouldn't believe us when we said he passed it. When things started to get a bit better he was allowed to come home for long weekends and later on he was allowed to come home for good, with a few visits from the nurses checking to see how things were going. Just when we thought Rory was back to more or less himself, the tragic event happened on the 6th November 2015. My Mum had been with him during the day, while I was at school, and when I got back mum had to work so it was just my brother and I watching TV and spending the evening together. I remember going upstairs to try on a few outfits for an occasion that was coming up and snapchatting funny videos to my friends. About an hour or so later Rory went up to his room, I thought I would leave him to it as I assumed he was going to play guitar or something. That night when my mum came home I went downstairs and had a chat about how our days had been. She called for Rory but didn't get an answer so she went upstairs to go see him. I then heard my mum repeatedly calling my name to phone my Nan and Grandad. I rushed up the stairs with the phone in my hand and froze at what was in front of me. My incredible, wonderful, caring brother was on the floor with the colour drained from him. It felt like someone had just stabbed my heart and ripped it out of my chest and I have honestly never felt so much pain in my life. My brother took his own life. I rang the ambulance and waited for what felt like forever for them to show up. Not only did we have drama with my brother but we also had a paramedic pass out from the heat and another fall down our stairs which I then realised that you can find humour in the darkest of times. From this event I have learnt to enjoy life while we can and for those of you who are going through the same type of thing or another family problem - whether you are the person directly involved or a family member supporting a loved one - know that you are not alone. I understand that you might think life won't get any easier but I promise it will. I thought I wasn't going to enjoy life like I used to before and I even felt bad for laughing or smiling at something because one of my brothers was no longer with me but I realised that he would've wanted me and my family to be happy. Of course there are times where I miss him and am overwhelmed with sadness and there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about him but I know I am loved by so many people and I still have my other amazing brother and sister and life does go on.

Funfetti Cupcakes!

Today I made funfetti cupcakes (what Zoella made: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJNMcOAAN_Q) and they taste delicious! Here's how to make them:

3 eggs

6oz golden caster sugar

6oz self-raising flour

6oz butter or margarine 

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

A dash of milk 

Colourful sugar strands/sprinkles 

Firstly, preheat the oven to 170 degrees Celsius or equivalent. Next, put the sugar and butter in a bowl and mix until smooth. Then beat the eggs one at a time and add to the mixture - don't worry if it begins to curdle, just add a spoonful of the flour. Add the vanilla extract, stir and then fold in the rest of the flour. A good tip my mum told me was to fold the flour in, following a figure of 8 pattern (but, of course, you don't need to do that if you're using a food mixer). Ensure all the ingredients are thoroughly mixed by sweeping a spatula around the sides of the bowl. Depending on how colourful you want your cakes to be, add in as many sprinkles as you like - I put in 2 dessert spoons. 

Finally get your cupcake cases ready in a muffin tray (or any tray that you have) and fill them evenly with your mixture - they should make 12-15. 

Put in the oven for 15-20 minutes.

For the buttercream icing:

3oz softened butter 

6oz icing sugar 

A splash of vanilla extract

Once your cakes are out the oven and you're waiting for them to cool, you can start making the icing. 

Get another bowl and put in the softened butter, make sure it is soft enough to whisk but not so that it is runny. Using a fork, beat the butter so it goes creamy and then add 1/3 of the icing sugar, carefully mixing so it doesn't go everywhere. Do the same with the rest of the icing sugar but in two different halves and add the vanilla extract. When you have mixed them two ingredients together, you can whisk it with an electric whisk to make sure that it is extra smooth and creamy. 

When your cakes are cool enough, you can start to ice them! You can do this anyway you like - for mine I used a piping bag and nozzle but you can use a spoon and knife to spread it out if you want the icing a little flatter. After icing the cakes you can add sprinkles or any decoration of your choice.

Now it's time to eat them and show them off to your friends and family, enjoy!! 

Autumn!

Autumn is my favourite time of the year because it's the time when amazing seasonal candles come out, there are more nights where you can snuggle down with a blanket and a hot drink while watching a film, go on cold, refreshing walks and of course, one of the best things about autumn is we get to wear the best boots, jumpers, scarves and beanies! 

What's your favourite season and what do you like about it the most?

What This Blog is About...

Hello there, 

Firstly, if this is your first time looking at this blog then a hearty welcome to you and if you have been on here already then it's nice to see you again!

On my blog I will be discussing many things ranging from fashion and beauty to experiences and random stuff I want to talk about, whether it's an opinion on something, my recent favourites or things I have been baking and want to share with you.

I really hope you enjoy my blog and I'm sorry if I disappear for a while, I will try my best to update regularly. 

Thanks again, 

Grace! :)